My Favorite Place

Tomorrow morning we're off to Chicago to go to the Willow Creek Community Church Arts Conference. It's my favorite thing to do in the whole wide world!

This year a group of 9 from Liberty are going. Tony's going, and I love that because I get to share it with him! Bethany's going as well. I took her last year and she loved it. We're taking Cody & Nataly to meet up with Tony's mom so they can spend a few days with her.

I'll update when we return.

Home Again in Tulsa

I last posted the first day we were in Custer, South Dakota....Friday.

I'll give a quick rundown of the rest of the trip:

Friday evening we watched "Elizabethtown" which is the movie that inspired Nancy and Gene to travel to his favorite spots to scatter some of his ashes.

Saturday--we drove to Spearfish Canyon and ate at a restaurant that Gene really liked. Nancy had wanted to hike down a trail to some falls behind the restaurant, but there was too much snow on the trail. In fact, it was snowing on us that day. Really weird snowflakes...we called them snow pellets because they looked and felt like soft hail. Really strange! We headed back, and we had great fun stopping by the side of the road for pictures of waterfalls and lakes and deer. It was a beautiful drive. We found a peaceful brook by the side of the road, so we pulled off and Nancy scattered some ashes there. When we arrived back at the hotel, we ended the evening watching a DVD of the history of the Crazy Horse monument which we were going to visit on Sunday morning.

Sunday--We were at the Crazy Horse monument at 9:30 a.m. We looked around in the museum and gift shop, and then we were driven to the top of the monument. If you don't know the story, here's the link: http://www.crazyhorse.org/ Nancy scattered some of Gene's ashes on the top of the monument, and we all gathered around her as she prayed thanking God for Gene and that we could be there together. It was very moving!

We ate lunch at a local winery and it was really good! Nancy, Tony, Bethany and I tasted some of their wines and Nancy ended up buying quite a few bottles for people. It was a fun experience, except not so much for Cody and Nataly who just waited in the car during the tasting. But hey, with cameras to take pictures of yourself and iPods to listen to.....

We then headed over to Mount Rushmore. We walked the trail and Tony, Cody and Nataly each scattered a handful of ashes at the base of the monument. We then saw a soaring bird which I just KNEW was an eagle, and told Tony so, but at that moment a park ranger happened to be walking by and said it was probably a turkey vulture. I'm still convinced it was an eagle....which made it a perfect moment! :)

We headed back to the hotel going through Custer State Park. We saw lots of deer, (mule deer and whitetail deer), buffalo, prairie dogs, and burros that came up and stuck their heads in the car. There was one buffalo that was completely in the middle of the road and we had to wait until it decided to move. We got some great pictures!

We ended Sunday night ordering pizza and watching TV. We were pretty tired. We got up Monday, got in the car, and 14 1/2 hours later (around midnight) we arrived home in Tulsa. We were all tired today, but the trip was definitely worth it!

It was in honor of Gene's memory that we visited his favorite places and left a little bit of his remains at each one. I wasn't sure what I thought about the whole idea, but frankly I found it very moving. I've been thinking about it a lot. In February we had an amazing funeral service for John Kilgore and we buried his body at a beautiful cemetery here in Tulsa. I know that as it gets warmer I'll be visiting his grave....not because I think he's there, just because I know I'll want to go sometimes. Then this experience of scattering Gene's ashes was very special as well. I've been thinking it might be nice to combine the two...having a service and a burial, but then taking a trek to favorite places and scattering something symbolic (like flower petals or something) at each place. Conversations Tony and I will be having in the future I'm sure.

If you're interested in looking at the many (almost 200) pictures we took on our trip, here's the link: http://s123.photobucket.com/albums/o307/tmbcn5/Nebraska%20and%20South%20Dakota%20Trip/

Melody

Custer, South Dakota

The ceremony this morning was very nice. It was cold and windy, but the service was exactly what Nancy said Gene would have wanted. It began at 11:30 with a retired Army chaplain officiating. He opened in prayer and then read a little something about Gene. Nancy got up and read a tribute that she had written and it was beautiful. She began with Isaiah 40:31 and described Gene's journey of learning to wait on God and how he began to hear God's call. She did a wonderful job. Then she prayed and we were all very tearful. The chaplain then took over again and concluded the ceremony. Then there were 5 retired service men who each fired their rifles 3 times. There were 2 other service men who folded the American flag and presented it to Nancy along with the shell casings from the rifles that had been fired. Then Taps was played, and the service was over. It was a great tribute to Gene Clifford Lenox and his service to our country in the late '50's. We tried to take lots of pictures, so when I can I'll try to share them.

We headed for South Dakota around 2:30. It was a pretty boring drive until we got into the Black Hills. The pine trees were gorgeous and we saw buffalo and lots of deer. We arrived in Custer between 7:30 and 8:00. Our next two days will consist of visiting some of Gene's favorite places....Mount Rushmore and Crazy Horse Monument, among a few other things. Then we'll travel home on Monday.

Again, thanks for your thoughts and prayers during our trip. This is about supporting Nancy and helping bring closure to her. I'll post more tomorrow....hopefully with some pictures.

Melody

North Platte, Nebraska

We traveled 9 hours yesterday and are now in North Platte, Nebraska. The drive was uneventful....the Oklahoma, Kansas, and Nebraska landscapes are pretty monotonous. But we arrived safely and were able to have a good meal at a restaurant called The Depot in downtown North Platte. It's sad to see Nancy alone. She told us about her experiences of traveling here over the last 5 days, and the challenges of doing it by herself. She's doing well though; has an upbeat attitude, and had our hotel room stocked with snacks, drinks and candy. She's always thinking of others.

Today we're up and getting ready to head to the Fort McPherson National Cemetery in Maxwell, Nebraska, to bury Gene's remains. There will be a veterans ceremony at 11:30. My hope (and prayer) is that what is done will help Nancy feel like we've honored Gene's memory and final wishes. Hopefully we can take some pictures that we can share. I'll update more in the next few days. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers!

Melody

Celebrating What's Right With the World

Bethany and I went to Chicago last June for the Arts Conference at Willow Creek Community Church. It's one of my favorite things to do in the whole world! The theme of the conference was "Celebrating What's Right With the World." The first speaker was DeWitt Jones who is (or was....I don't know) a photographer for the National Geographic, and this was the title of his session. It was amazing; both Bethany and I loved it!

I realized at the beginning of 2008 that I needed to discipline myself to be more positive, and to learn to celebrate things more, so I took a journal that Cherri had given me a couple of years ago (it had been by my bed because it matched the decor in my room, but I had never written in it), and each evening I began to list the things that were "right with my world." I did it pretty consistently, and it seemed to help my overall perspective be more positive. My last list is dated February 10, 2008....2 days before John K. died. I haven't written in it since. It's been hard to even want to be positive these last couple of months.

But Spring is in the air; the birds are out and singing; the trees are budding; new life is all around. I feel the stirrings of new life within as well. So today, I want to celebrate what's right with my world:

1. Today is my sister's birthday. Happy Birthday Cherri! She is one of my heroes in life. I bought her a card yesterday (I hope she doesn't read this before I give it to her tomorrow) that says: "What is yours is to play the assigned part well. But to choose it, belongs to someone else." --Epictetus
I bought that card because Cherri has played her part well in this life. It may not have been the part she would have picked were she to choose, but she has played it well, and she is my hero!

2. I have a wonderful family. We are not perfect by any stretch, but we love and respect each other. Tony is more than I deserve....he stands by me through all my ups and downs (and there are a lot of those). He is my rock. My children are finding their ways. Each is unique and is on their own journey of discovering themselves as they discover God. It's not always easy to watch, but it is good!

3. I have a great family of origin that is full of grace! Enough said.

4. I have a loving church family. We have walked together through some hard times, and they are "my people." I wouldn't want to do life without them. Church is not all that I would like for it to be, but it is a community of people who love each other....that's enough.

5. Spring is in the air. I look around at the beauty that is budding, and I hear the birds, and it brings me joy. One of the things DeWitt Jones said in his session was, "A bird sings not because it has an answer, but because it has a song." A bird sings because it was born with a song, and it is doing what it was created to do. Spring reminds me to do that....to contribute to this life through just being who I've been created to be. To love and to be loved is the greatest thing of all.

Melody

The Melody of My Life

I bought myself a new devotional book. It's called The Message//Remix: Solo. It is designed "to develop a conversation between you and God. The devotions found in Solo are based on the classical method of lectio divina: reading, thinking, praying, and living Scripture with the intention of inviting an infinite, omniscient God into your life--as it is, no gloss, no veneer. Lectio divina is more Bible basking than Bible study, as it teaches you to absorb and meditate on Scripture, to converse with God openly, and to live out what has become a part of you--his Word." --from the Introduction to Solo

Day 2 was the story of Jacob wrestling with God. One of the questions I was to ask as I read the passage through several times was, "What moment in this passage resonates with you most?" The moment for me was when "the man" asked Jacob, "What's your name?" Jacob's name meant "manipulator," and it made me wonder if God was asking Jacob to admit who/what he was. Did Jacob hesitate before he gave his name? Then his name was changed to "Israel" (God-wrestler). It made me think about my name: Melody. I love my name. What does my name say about me?

"My" verse has always been Ephesians 5:19. I'll include vs. 20 & 21 as well in order to complete the sentence. "Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God."

As you can see from the previous posts, these last few weeks have been the most difficult of our lives. How do you sing and make melody in your heart when your heart is breaking? How do you give thanks always for all things? Really.
But that's what I want to do. I want to be true to my name. Then I remembered a line from The Shack that resonated with me.

In the Introduction Willie says about Mack: "What happened three years ago totally changed the melody of his life and it's a song I can't wait to play for you." Have the events of the last few weeks changed the melody of my life?

Absolutely! Of course my life will never be the same since important relationships have ended because of death, but is there more to it than that? It is causing me to reflect. Am I to be singing a different melody with my life? If so, what does that melody sound like? I don't know, but my prayer that day was, "Lord Jesus, may I be attuned to the melody you want me to sing. If you are taking me on a new path in order to sing a new song, give me courage. Give me wisdom; give me stamina. Above all give me Your love to sing." That is my prayer!

ML

February, 2008

February, 2008 has probably been the hardest month of my life. And since this is Leap Year, we get an extra February day....not sure I want it.

On February 12th, as you know, we lost John Kilgore. Two weeks to the day after that we lost Tony's dad, Gene Lenox, and another friend, Dr. Kent Medcalf. I'm attending Kent's funeral today. A month of tremendous loss and grieving. The grieving, I'm sure will continue for a while; I'm hoping we've experienced the last of loss for a long while.

I use the word "lost" knowing that they are not lost; they are more "found," more "at home" than they've ever been! I use that word referring to the fact that we've lost their physical presence with us; however, we will never lose the impact that they had on our lives.

Honestly though, I could use the word "lost" to describe how I've been feeling the last 2 weeks. In a sense I've lost my direction, I've lost my focus. I haven't lost my overall purpose per se, but I have lost the sense that I know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. Things that once dominated my thinking don't seem so important anymore, and activities that once seemed trivial have now been the very things that have kept me going; maybe just because they're mindless and keep me from having to think. Things seem mixed-up and upside down.

I have not, however, lost my confidence that God is good, that He loves us and has promised never to leave us or forsake us. I have felt that all along, even though I did tell Him at the hospital when I got the news about John's death that He had made a mistake. I just knew he meant to take someone else! Yet even in the midst of saying it, in my heart of hearts I knew I didn't mean it. Death is a part of life, and even though it hurts like crazy, I know that I'd better learn how to grieve properly (by that I mean in a healthy way) because death will come again, maybe when I expect it but also when I least expect it.

A friend gave me a little book by Barbara Francis called "Unexpected Turns: Leaning into the Losses of Life." It's the story of how the author experienced the sudden and tragic loss of her best friend in a plane crash. She has a wonderful way of sharing her own grieving process, and it has helped. At the end of the book she quotes this poem from Charles Wesley:

If death my friend and me divide,
Thou dost not, Lord, my sorrow chide.
Or frown my tears to see;
Restrained from passionate excess,
Thou bidst me mourn in calm distress
For them that rest in Thee.

I feel a strong immortal hope,
Which bears my mournful spirit up
Beneath its mountain load;
Redeemed from death, and grief, and pain,
I soon shall find my friend again
Within the arms of God.

Past a few fleeting moments more
And death the blessing shall restore
Which death has snatched away;
For me thou wilt the summons send,
And give me back my parted friend
In that eternal day.

It brings comfort to know that "past a few fleeting moments more and death the blessing shall restore which death has snatched away." We will see our friends and family again! In the meantime I hope I can continue through the grieving process and not get stuck; I hope that I find my equilibrium again; I hope that I continue asking questions about what I'm supposed to be doing and why; I hope that I treasure each moment of this life and each relationship that I have; I hope....

Melody

Tribute

Well, it's with very mixed emotions that I write this. My Dad, Gene Clifford Lenox, born September 23, 1938, passed from this life on February 26, 2008 at 6:15 PM, EST. Right now, he's with his Savior, Jesus.

I'm very sad that I won't see Dad again this side of Heaven, to laugh and roll my eyes at his punny jokes, and be fooled by his made-up stories, to which I'd say, "Really, Dad?" and he'd laugh and say, "No, but it could have happened like that."

But -- I'm very relieved and happy that his suffering has ended. The cancer that was ravaging his body has no more impact. The pain, which required increasing doses of medicine, is gone -- forever!

I'm comforted that Dad told me in December that he wanted me to know he "loves Jesus with all his heart."

I'm encouraged that he prayed increasingly, and was looking for God's fingerprint in people and situations.

I'm proud that Dad "embraced death" as described by hospice chaplain Andy Webster, in a quote that Dad believed God brought to him last July, preparing him for what was to come. He shared it with Bethany and me last Thanksgiving, and with all the hospice workers he met after that.

"Our greatest prejudice is against death. It spans age, gender and race. We spend immeasurable amounts of energy fighting an event that will eventually triumph. Though it is noble not to give in easily, the most alive people I’ve ever met are those who embrace their death. They love, laugh and live more fully."

Dad was a man's man. He wasn't big in stature, but he was big in heart, and he was tough. He backed down from no one, and he loved sports, especially football, basketball, track & field and boxing. He also was a true craftsman, and used his God-given artistic skill and passion to create unique finishes, and to imitate God's unique wood grains and stone veins and patterns. He loved what he did, and recently told me he hoped that God would allow him to use the skills He'd given him in Heaven to decorate heavenly dwelling places.

Dad wasn't raised in church or a Christian home. Both his parents died when he was 13. I don't know if his parents, grandparents, great grandparents or beyond were Christians. Only God knows hearts, but I didn't get the sense that many or any of Dad's relatives were Christians. As I thought about this, I knew there was no sadness in Heaven, and that Jesus is all-sufficient, but I wondered if there would be a brief moment of loneliness when Dad arrived in Heaven. If so, I certainly didn't think it would last long.

Then, a tragic, unexpected event reversed any concerns I had. When one of our closest friends, John Kilgore passed away unexpectedly just two weeks ago on February 12, I realized a few hours after hearing the news, that one of the most welcoming, encouraging, artistic people I've ever known -- who also loved me, Melody, and our kids as if we were part of his own family -- had just arrived in Heaven before my Dad. While grieving over John's passing, my tears briefly turned to joyful ones when I pictured John greeting my Dad in Heaven with a tight, rib-crunching, John Kilgore hug! It's probably already happened multiple times!

John's last e-mail to me was sent the day after I'd left Dad, a week before John died: "Tony - You have really been in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you have a real sense of God’s love and presence. I know that your dad means a lot to you. He did an awesome job raising you. You are one of the finest men of substance and character that I know. I love you, a lot. John.".... What a gift to know that John is with Dad...

The time I spent with Dad on February 1-3 was priceless. As I grew up, our relationship revolved almost exclusively around sports, and although we did watch the Super Bowl together (which we hadn't done for more than 20 years), the most precious times of the three days had nothing to do with sports. They happened when we talked about Heaven; when we prayed together; when he cried about his deteriorating body, and I held his hand; when we reminisced about some great times together; when he began crying as he remembered being mean to someone; when he cried about the hurt to one he loved caused by the insensitivity of others; and when he gave me a history of his prayer remembrances from his teenage years through this year.....He was so sensitive. In my first 47 years, I'd seen him cry twice. He exceeded that in my first hour with him.... I'll always cherish these last days we shared together.

I talked to Dad four more times before he passed, the last time being a one-way conversation on Monday night.

Since becoming unresponsive after last Tuesday night, and after the hospice nurses initaited a morphine pump for his pain -- pain which manifested itself in his tense, wrinkled forehead, Mom had been whispering in Dad's ear to "let go and go be with Jesus." The nurses and books Mom read said hearing is the last sense to go, and that a person may be able to hear even though unresponsive.

As the days passed, and he continued to hang on -- with no food or water, the hospice nurses asked Mom if I had talked to Dad since he'd become unresponsive. I'd left him a voice mail telling him I loved him and that I was praying for him. Mom said she held the phone to his ear and played it for him the last night he was conscious. She said he responded to my message as if he were talking to me, and said, "I love you!" over and over, before handing Mom the phone, saying he was "too tired to talk any more."

Since Dad was still responsive when I'd left the message, I certainly hadn't told him to "let go." So, Mom asked me Monday if I'd be willing to talk to him one last time. Of course I said, "Yes," even though I knew it would probably be one of the hardest things I'd ever done. And it was.

Melody and the kids prayed with me before I made the call. I talked with Mom again for a few minutes, and then she put the cell phone up to Dad's ear. I could hear him breathing. I said, "Hi Dad, it's Tony." I told him I loved him, and that I wanted to pray for him. I thanked God for him, and for allowing me to be his son. I said to God that Dad had told me he loved Jesus with all his heart, and now was ready to see Him. After the prayer, I told Dad he was the perfect Dad for me and that I was so grateful to be his son. I said that Bethany, Cody, Nataly and Melody and I had prayed for him and that they all loved him very much. Then, I reminded him I would take care of Mom, and that he could let go, and rest, and go be with Jesus. Finally, I said that we would be joining him soon, and would be with him forever, so it was okay to go, and...... I loved him with all my heart..............................Whew....

I could still hear him breathing as I called Mom on another vibrating phone, so she knew to take the phone away from his ear. She told me that when Dad first heard my voice he became calm. I asked how she knew, and she said the morphine caused his hands to twitch and jerk. Even though he was unconscious, there was nearly constant, minor movement. She said his hands stopped moving while I was talking.

I don't know if he heard me, or to what extent it made a difference, but about 20 hours later, Dad left his body to join Jesus.....


No amount of writing will take away the void and ache I will feel as I think about Dad in the days, weeks, and months to come. Only time will lessen the feelings of loss and longing...

I am very grateful to have had 48 years with Dad, and to know that he's in a better place, and that I will see him again, forever! I'm grateful I was able to write him a letter to fully express my love for him, and to read and send the beautiful letters Melody, Bethany, Cody and Nataly wrote to him, expressing their love for him. And, I'm grateful for February 1-3; three final days to spend with Dad.

GENE LENOX was a wonderful man, husband, dad, and grandpa, and will be greatly missed. I'm proud to be Anthony GENE LENOX.